This is an entry for the July Month-o-Minis contest at Brigit’s Flame. Prompt was: doll’s eyes
Word count: 192
Constructive criticism is always welcome!
Music lyrics from Shirley Ellis’ Clapping Song
If you enjoy this story, consider voting for it at Brigit’s Flame & reading the other entries!
Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chewed tobacco
On the streetcar line
I remember my little girl singing those words when she jumped rope outside. I would watch her from my spot on the steps, and I wished I could jump too.
But dolls can’t jump.
I watched her as she slept. I smiled as she dreamt and wished I could dream too.
But dolls can’t dream.
I stayed by her side when she was afraid of the monster under her bed and the shadows in the room. I tried to whisper comforting words.
But dolls can’t whisper.
I wanted to scream when he came. I wanted to wake her as he snuck in through the window and pressed his hand down on her face to silence her.
But dolls can’t scream.
I want to tell you now, officer, that he was 6 foot 3 with a long beard and red hair. It was the man we saw at the park two days ago. Her mother will remember him.
But dolls cannot speak.
The line broke
The monkey got choked
and they all went to heaven in a little row boat.
This is really good, so chilling to read. Well done!
Thanks Kelza!
Excellent… takes you to the end to REALLY get it – gosh… super.
Thank you for the comment! You are too kind. 🙂
Oh, wow, that’s brilliant story-telling!
Thank you for the comment. It made my day!
my pleasure 🙂
Breathtaking story! I love it and it’s sadness.
Thank you for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Very welcome 🙂
Wow! Excellent story.
Well done.
Thank you for the compliment and for reading. 🙂
Loved this story!
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to like and comment. I appreciate it.
Well done! *shivers*
Thank you, Kathy. That’s quite the compliment. 😀
Dear Kristina 🙂
This is a marvelous mystery. 🙂
I love this.
So far I have read three and I consider it the best.
I would tell you the sensation:
As I move towards the climax and realize the profound mystery a subtle intense current emanates from my heart with blissful sensation and shakes my whole body with tingling.
Goosebumps 🙂
This story is moving. Has profound effect 🙂
Anand
I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 It was hard to keep within the word limit.
Reblogged this on blabberwockying and commented:
A very profoundly moving mystery!
I don’t know what to say…except that I felt a range of emotions. First, I felt sadness; then I felt love; then I felt fear; finally, I experienced pain – the pain of being bound to a chair when I should’ve been helping a loved one. You can fill regular everyday words with emotions.
This is absolutely wonderful. I would love to read more like this. So simple and SO chilling.
well done,
the (esc)ape artist
This is an incredibly powerful, chilling story. Really well done.
Thank you. 🙂
Oh my… That was excellent! I absolutely loved what you did with this little poem/short story. Very beautiful might I add! Keep up the great work! It was wonderful! 😀
Thank you for reading and commenting. Your words are too kind. 🙂
A wonderful and as they say chilling story Kristina! You are such a talent! It makes me want to have a power to make the doll speak 🙂 It is moving…
Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad that you enjoyed it and that it had the desired effect on you. 🙂
You are welcome. Envious that you are able to go to Spain, our National hero stayed there in Madrid and Barcelona if I’m not mistaken, he studied there as he was a genius, and we also have been colonized by Spain for 300 yrs but I don’t know much about Spanish language though 🙂
Who is your National Hero? (Sorry, I’ve gotten really behind on visiting blogs and commenting. Time management is apparently not my strong point at the moment.)
It’s Dr. Jose Rizal, here in the Philippines 🙂 There are many colonist in our country. Spain (longest), Japan and America, that is why were fsmiliar with Western Culture. I believe Dr. Jose Rizal even has his own monument in Spain.
It is okay to be behind. Time management is also not my strong point…need to improve…I may not be available next week but since I have wordpress apps I can still check every now and then. What I’m really behind is posting a new blog lol 😛
I have yet to register. I’m undecided lol 😛
A nice fantasy-like poem ! It’s all about a doll and a child’s imagination isn’t it ? i like it 🙂